Wednesday, April 20, 2011


I thought I would take this time to write an update about the current events in my life, well primarily just our upcoming trip to India.
One biggest thing going on in me and Jeremy's life is this trip to India.  Not just for the mere fact that we will be traveling to the other side of the world to spend two weeks in a place we have never been before, but because of the journey we have been on since we have said "yes" to going.  It has been such a roller coaster.  I remember my first reaction when I heard we were going to be going to India for our over seas missions trip.  It was something like this "Oh my gosh AWESOME.... OH NO, NO WAY AM I GOING... But wait, how many people can say they've been to India before?!... OH NO NO NO I'm NOT going.... Okay, YES I am going... NO NO NO.. Okay fine God, I'll go if you really want me there."  I'm pretty sure my head was about to explode when we first found out we were going. 

Now, I feel very confident that we are supposed to go on this trip.  Even so, I have struggled with doubts about raising money, getting time off of work, leaving Moose behind while we are gone for two weeks.  It has not been an easy process for me.  Yet during this process I have learned a lot about myself and what God is trying to teach me through this trip (and we haven't even left the States yet!).

I have realized that I am a bit of a control freak.  I need to have everything figured out and perfect for me to feel okay.  I hold onto things so tightly because I'm afraid that if I let go then nothing will ever get done.  I have a hard time trusting, and that included me trusting God.  Now I think I have known this about myself for a very long time but I didn't really see the need to address it until now.  I was literally making myself sick worrying about all the little details of this trip such as money, work, etc.  By me holding everything so tightly and trying to do everything my own way I was limiting God and what He wanted to do if I just relied on Him.

Since then I have really tried my hardest to just let go of control.  Whenever I feel anxious or worried about the little details of this trip I remind myself that I have said yes to God to go on this trip, and he is going to honor my obedience to Him.  It has been really hard though! It is hard for me not to worry about things like raising enough money.  Yet one of the biggest things I have learned so far has been a recent discovery.  God isn't calling us to be perfect right away, it's a process.  Even though I still occasionally worry about how we will raise the money to go, or get anxious about leaving Moose at home, God knows my heart and sees that I truly desire to let go and change.  God is pleased with us when He sees these changes, even when they are only what seems to be small steps.
 God has shown me this week that He is in control and that I'm on this journey with Him to grow and change, not to have everything figured out.  Before when I was trying to do it all myself and wasn't fully relying on God, Jeremy and I raised $0 for our trip- No one responded to any of our support letters and I was feeling really discouraged and annoyed.  Now that I have realized that I can't do it in my own strength and need to let go and let God take control we have gotten donations from 4 or 5 different people! How encouraging! God wanted to show me all along that He is trustworthy and faithful and has my best interest in mind. 

It sure has been an exciting process and I am so excited to be able to take a step back and watch all the awesome things that God is doing. 

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